A Mess of Elephants

Update: Ginormous Little Light attracted the attention of some elephants this week. They insisted I convey their message in exactly  the way they dictated. No artistic license here. I'm just the typist. They spoke in posh-British, which is odd because they are African to the bone.  

The elephants speak:

We arrived here last Sunday morning with a message for you all. First we worked hard to waken Ms Let It Shine, and then we worked even harder to get her to listen to us so that our message would be conveyed in the way we’d like. For some obscure reason she seemed to think we wanted to have a prayer created through which we elephants could speak to humans. What a bizarre concept! We heard about this spot through the universal web and were so excited to hear that a niche had quite unwittingly been created for all us planetary lifers - and some universal and cosmic folk too - to express ourselves in blog land. It’s perfect for us really, because Ms Let Shine recently upgraded to a rather powerful antenna, coupled with the fact that she is adept at selectively tuning in and out of all sorts of frequencies – some of which we wouldn’t recommend be recorded here.

 So we’ll get straight to it. The good lord tells us, you folk have free will. This is a bit of a bloody nuisance for us elephant folk, cos we’re running out of options here - where to live and what to eat. We’d like to know from you free-willed ones if you'll be planting trees anytime soon? We’re doing the best we can to plant as many seeds as possible – you know, eat- poop- planted– eat- poop- planted - but we could really do with some help in this regard. Please don’t attempt to plant the elephant way, and planting trees online is a lovely thought, but isn’t helpful to us. Also, will you be introducing a culling season for your kind sometime in the not-so-distant-and-very-urgent-now thus creating a bit - that’s all we want, a bit - of space on the planet that we could maybe share? We personally don’t favour culling, but it’s the human way of dealing with our population ‘problem’ - so we have been wondering. Oh…… our typist tells us that you do have an established culling programme, but that it’s called something else. She says it’s all year round. She says that in fact there is a branch of the human species that is working hard to stop human culling. Lawd! This is bad news. Excuse us, we don’t mean to cause offense – we are essentially peace loving - but what the hell are we going to eat? It’s a bit hard to take that we and our herbivorous friends are working hard to keep things green, and you guys just …. what do you do exactly? 

(Very long pause) 

Ok, it’s clear we’re not getting through to you.  We think we should start a new paragraph please Ms Let It Shine. We don’t have to try to be warriors.


Ms Let It Shine? Ms Let It Shine! MS LET IT SHINE!

TRUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMPETTTTT!

Ah, good you’re awake.

See you again just now*

*South African time meaning now-now; later; whenever